European Resistance Archive/European Resistance Archive (ERA)
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While we waited for the breakthrough, many of the boys under my leadership, cried from fear.
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It was a horrific sight.
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The same boys, aged 17, 18 or 20 at the most, volunteered for dangerous actions, attacks, within half a year.
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When a man has weapons, when he witnesses the deaths of his colleagues,
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his friends, even his neighbors from the very same village, a murderous passion overwhelms him.
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When in combat, sooner or later the logic prevails that death to the enemy is your life.
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Perhaps now as I look back upon myself as a man who considered himself a poet,
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I was a tremendous individualist.
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Of course, in a war the units are under strict discipline,
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all organized according to a military structure quite necessary for leading into any type of combat.
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It wasn’t for me though; it didn’t suit my character. There was another aspect of human character.
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Even out in the open, wherever we managed to get some sleep, I always liked to sleep in a bit, I’m a bit lazy in the morning.
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When I was in the brigade, we’d usually march at night.
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We walked all night long just to get a little bit further, for instance from the Karst to the Trnovski gozd via the Vipava valley,
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where the ambushes and outposts were. I often thought these actions were dangerous or just too straining.
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So I often volunteered for various new tasks that would arise amidst a battle.
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These were more dangerous, but at least I could channel my individualism this way.
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So I became an informer. I would travel alone to Trieste with forged documents.
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It was highly risky, but I felt that my life was at my own disposal.
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Later I was with the miners. That was just a small unit, maybe there were 13 or 15 of us. It was easy to command.
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