European Resistance Archive/European Resistance Archive (ERA)

While we waited for the breakthrough, many of the boys under my leadership, cried from fear.

It was a horrific sight.

The same boys, aged 17, 18 or 20 at the most, volunteered for dangerous actions, attacks, within half a year.

When a man has weapons, when he witnesses the deaths of his colleagues,

his friends, even his neighbors from the very same village, a murderous passion overwhelms him.

When in combat, sooner or later the logic prevails that death to the enemy is your life.

Perhaps now as I look back upon myself as a man who considered himself a poet,

I was a tremendous individualist.

Of course, in a war the units are under strict discipline,

all organized according to a military structure quite necessary for leading into any type of combat.

It wasn’t for me though; it didn’t suit my character. There was another aspect of human character.

Even out in the open, wherever we managed to get some sleep, I always liked to sleep in a bit, I’m a bit lazy in the morning.

When I was in the brigade, we’d usually march at night.

We walked all night long just to get a little bit further, for instance from the Karst to the Trnovski gozd via the Vipava valley,

where the ambushes and outposts were. I often thought these actions were dangerous or just too straining.

So I often volunteered for various new tasks that would arise amidst a battle.

These were more dangerous, but at least I could channel my individualism this way.

So I became an informer. I would travel alone to Trieste with forged documents.

It was highly risky, but I felt that my life was at my own disposal.

Later I was with the miners. That was just a small unit, maybe there were 13 or 15 of us. It was easy to command.