European Resistance Archive/European Resistance Archive (ERA)
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Nonetheless, it was genuine, the idealization that a war could unfold such a beautiful humanity,
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if I may say so, because war is far from beautiful.
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It is true though that as a poet it was hard for me to choose death, even the enemy’s.
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This is also why I selected tasks which were far more hazardous than being in the brigade.
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However, it was less imperative in the tasks I chose to have to kill someone standing before me, even the enemy.
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I have always tried to live my life with as little death as possible, even with regard to the Germans.
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Killing, even in the name of great ideals, will ultimately come back to you later in form of a trauma.
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The prayer book anecdote; teacher in the partisan school
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In the two years that I was with the Partisans, I came quite close to death several times.
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I somehow had to get used to death becoming a part of Partisan life.
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For each fight there was the success or failure of the encounter.
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It was determined almost exclusively on the basis of the number dead.
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If we fought with the Germans and then figured that five Partisans had fallen,
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so as to find pleasure in the result of the encounter.
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We had to convince ourselves, regardless of how true it was, that we had lost five Partisans while the enemy had lost twenty.
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You had the feeling that the death that swallowed up your colleagues was not in vain.
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Rather it was a mini-contribution towards liberation and the persecution of the occupying enemy,
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freedom and everything we imagined was to be after the war ended.
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I myself was lucky.
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I was an informer, the Germans caught me three times and three times they let me go; all because I wore this…
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